intention

How to Live Increasingly Happier Over Time

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

A wonderful way to improve happiness involves periodically performing an inventory your life and taking actions to fill more of your life with the positive aspects and less with the negative aspects over time. Even if you focus solely on one side of the continuum – moving towards the positive or filling less of your life with the negative – you will experience greater happiness. But the combined effect will greatly accelerate your progress in these regards.

And just how might one go about doing this? Well, one thing you can do is consider multiple aspects – when conducting an inventory of your life – to include activities you engage in, the work you perform, your financial situation, the people in your life, the information and media content you tend to surround yourself with and expose yourself to, your living situation, the goals you are presently pursuing (and any new ones you are considering), that which consumes your life more than you would like, any new experiences you are considering, and any personal issues which repeatedly create substantial unhappiness or negativity for you such as recurring stress, depression, anxiety, guilt, anger, and temptations, addictions, and compulsions. When performing this inventory, list each of the items you come up with and score each of them using a scale such as the following:

+2: Highly Positive
+1: Moderately Positive
0: Neutral or Slightly Positive/Negative
-1: Moderately Negative
-2: Highly Negative

Once you do this you will have a pretty good idea of which aspects in your life tend to affect you in a positive way and which tend to do the opposite.  Becoming mindful of these aspects is helpful because awareness is the first step to change. Upon gaining this awareness, you would next ask yourself what steps you can take to move in a more positive direction.

Potential ways to address negative aspects generally fall into two primary categories: (1) those which involve creating distance or limiting participation (to include perhaps even removing oneself completely where possible or feasible), and (2) those which involve taking steps to work through or making significant changes. For those which fall into category 2 – which might include current life challenges, work, and recurring personal issues (stress, depression, anxiety, etc.) – you would consider actions to take to address these such as reading books on the topic(s), getting professional assistance, going to a support group or workshop, talking with others who have gone through similar experiences, and investigating/employing various other potential resources and sources of support.

Regarding the positive aspects of your life, you would simply take actions to move towards, or increase your participation in, these positive aspects. 

Start with addressing the highly negative and highly positive aspects first and then move on to addressing the moderately negative and moderately positive aspects. Within each of these categories, develop and execute plans for addressing these – perhaps starting with the easiest items first and then moving on to the more difficult ones to build confidence and momentum.

As you progress towards filling more of your life with the positive and less with the negative, you will begin to clear the “clutter” from your life and become increasingly happier. Once you’ve made significant progress in these regards start over and repeat these steps. Some people like to perform this process on an annual basis, perhaps the week leading to New Year’s or the week leading to their birthday, while others prefer to do this more frequently. Just do what works for you or those you are offering assistance to.

Every time you inventory your life and work towards improvement in these regards you will move in a positive direction, your life will get better, and you will feel increasingly happier. So don’t delay. Start today.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

How To Do What Truly Matters Today, Tomorrow, and Off into the Distant Future

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

I recently read an interesting book by James Altucher called “Choose Yourself to Wealth”. One of the things he recommends in this book is defining a life theme to live by which serves as a simple guide for how to live your life from one day to the next.

I like his life themes idea, but have expanded it such that it is broader and more encompassing. I embrace living from day to day in accordance with a life theme, on a more micro level as the author suggests, but also recommend doing this on a more macro level by ensuring that what you are doing or working towards, such as the tasks and activities you perform as well as the goals that you pursue in life, will allow you to experience more of your life theme in the future.

For example, my life theme might be to live happy and free. As such, I would remind myself of this theme throughout my days to move more towards living in this fashion on a micro level. However, I would also check to ensure that much of what I was doing and working towards was geared towards living happier and freer off into the future. For instance, I might learn how to invest money or work towards creating a more rewarding career to realize even more of the happiness and freedom I was envisioning via my life theme.

Here’s a list of potential life themes which might be worth considering:
* living happy
* living a balanced life
* being more loving and appreciative
* living stress free
* being creative
* being healthy
* being social
* being more loving
* doing what you love
* being highly successful
* being family oriented
* nurturing friend and/or family relationships
* some combination of the above

Simply use whatever life theme strongly resonates with you at the time and feel free to periodically change it up. For example, you might strongly desire success at one point in your life and want to support a life theme of “being highly successful”. Later in life you might get to the point where you have experienced a good deal of success and are satisfied with the success you have achieved to date. At that point in time you might decide to replace the “success oriented” life theme with something else which strongly resonates with you at the time such as “living a balanced life” or “nurturing friend and family relationships”. You would then proceed with supporting this new life theme. By periodically revisiting and revising your life themes you will continually support your strongest desires over time.

If you live in accordance with your life themes you will do what’s truly important to you whether performing your regular day to day activities or working towards your future. If you do not live in accordance with these then you will begin to lose sight of them. For example, a workaholic might regret not spending more time with family if he or she values family time much more than work or success. By defining and supporting a life theme of “being family oriented” the person might remember and take steps towards not working so much and taking time out during the day to connect with family members and performing activities which are kind, nurturing, and thoughtful towards them on a more regular basis.

By creating and living in accordance with your life themes you will always do what’s important to you no matter what you’re doing. It’s a simple way to ensure that you: 1) define what’s important to you at the time, and 2) live in accordance with this. So give this a try.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

Create Healthy Boundaries By Treating Assistance to Others as Partnerships

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One thing that many people struggle with is creating and maintaining healthy boundaries when providing assistance to others. Something that I frequently tell people in this regard is to treat these kinds of situations as partnerships where both you and the parties you are providing assistance to jointly participate and contribute towards resolving the issues, improving the situations at hand, and/or creating better lives overall. That is, there is both the part that YOU will contribute and there is the part which the OTHER PARTIES will contribute. The second part is frequently overlooked by the good hearted givers of the world, but is the key to success for truly making things better.

If you find in your life that you’ve repeatedly offered assistance to someone where the situation does not seem to improve or perhaps even gets worse then take a good hard look at the approach being taken. Until those receiving the assistance are ready, willing, and committed towards taking steps to help themselves there’s really not much that you can do. It’s just wasted energy on your part. Simply step aside, wish them well, and wait until the troubled persons are ready, willing, and committed to do their part. This goes for people experiencing financial difficulties, relationship or family issues, employment issues, addiction related issues, and other life issues.

Now, that being stated, the troubled individuals themselves do not necessarily need to know what to specifically do in order to make their situations better. Oftentimes they don’t. But they do have to be ready, willing, and committed towards working with you (and others) to: (1) identify potential options and resources, (2) investigate the options/resources and select those which potentially offer good solutions, and (3) develop and execute plans for making progress.

This does not mean that success will be experienced the first time through. It does mean that the troubled individuals must do their part, and that if the initial options/resources selected or the executed plans do not work, then they must be ready, willing, and committed towards identifying, investigating, and selecting other options/resources and developing and executing new plans. That is, it is likely this will need to be an iterative process in order to find a good solution. And so long as the troubled persons are contributing and participating in finding a solution there’s no reason to not consider helping them. However, should these individuals stop their efforts then you might consider stopping yours. Because, at that point, there won’t be much you will able to do to help ~ the partnership no longer existing. Simply step aside until those times when they are ready, willing, and committed to do their part. You’ll save yourself a lot of time, energy, and frustration if you operate in this fashion. Furthermore, you will communicate a strong message to those individuals that there are no handouts. That until they are ready, willing, and committed to helping themselves you will not be coming to their rescue.

In my own life, I know someone who has struggled with a drug addiction problem for several years now. Anytime that he’s caught up in the turbulence and chaos of the addiction issue I step aside and wish him well. However, during those periods of time when he’s actively seeking help and is committed to working towards solutions then I step right back in to lend a helping hand.

Now, there are some individuals who are not willing to offer assistance in these kinds of situations due to a common word in the addiction and recovery arena called “enabling”. However, I would argue that there is a world of difference between enabling someone to continue living an unhealthy lifestyle and enabling someone to help himself. And, no matter how bad things get for my friend, so long as he is ready, willing, and committed to doing his part in helping himself, he’ll always be able to count on me to do mine. For, although I am not willing to help him continue living an unhealthy life, anytime that he is ready, willing, and committed to get help, I’ll be right there to help him pick up the pieces and to make things better.

I encourage you to take a similar approach when helping others in your life. Always remember to create and maintain healthy boundaries by treating the assistance that you provide to others as partnerships. Partnerships involving the part that YOU will perform as well as the part that the OTHER PARTIES will perform. This is the only way in which to truly help others. Anything less can be ineffective and even detrimental in nature. I hope this article will help some of you out there who experience similar struggles.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

WHICH LIFE WILL YOU CHOOSE?

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Which life will you choose? A life full of beauty, love, warmth, joy, inspiration, and hope? Or a life filled with pain, loneliness, pessimism, negativity, emptiness, and despair? The choice is always yours. Remembering this is the key to the level of happiness – or unhappiness for that matter – that you will experience throughout the days, weeks, months, and years of your life. It is also the key for how much happiness – or unhappiness for that matter – that you will create within the lives of others who surround you. So, which life will you choose to experience and create? This is probably the most important question you can ask yourself.

Most people who know me well know I am a spiritual person. Now, what do I mean by that? Well, for me, one thing this means is that the spirits of all living and breathing beings never die – they live on after their bodies pass. Another thing it means for me is that connections and communications between individual beings – living or dead, near or far – can continue as if they were within our immediate presence. This offers such warmth, inspiration, and comfort because no matter where I am I never feel distant, disconnected, or alone. I can always summon and experience the joyful presence of others I have loved and appreciated in my life – past or present, living or dead. Sometimes, I will do things and invite them along to experience them with me. Sometimes, I will visit places we enjoyed in the past and beforehand tell them I am going and invite them to join me there. In either case, I feel their joyful presence and it fills me with happiness and makes me smile. I will frequently mentally converse with them and experience their joy at still being a part of my life and my joy at still being a part of theirs.

This is an activity you can perform with all of those that you love and appreciate: people and pets alike. For example, one of my best friends moved clear across the country a couple of years ago with his two dogs who I also adored. Sometimes, I like to go to the areas where he used to live. But before I go, I will generally invite him and his dogs – in spirit – to join me there. I always have such a wonderful, pleasant experience whenever I do this. And who knows? Perhaps, me doing this gave my friend and his dogs happy thoughts in those moments or happy dreams if they were sleeping at the time. For, so much more is possible in the spiritual world than in the physical world.

As another example, my mother died back in 2014, but I still invite her to participate in my life and feel her presence around me. For one thing, she always enjoyed trying new foods and desserts. So, anytime I’m trying something new I invite her to enjoy it with me. And she always does it with such joy! Bringing me great happiness in the process.

So, just because those that you love and appreciate are no longer in your life – either because they have moved away or have passed on – this does not mean you cannot continue to experience the warmth and the joy and the inspiration of their presence. Connect and communicate with them spiritually. Do it now. Do it tomorrow. And do it anytime you desire to experience the warmth, joy, and inspiration of their presence. You are not alone. You never have been. The spiritual world is always there for you.

Now, of course, there are naysayers who do not or will not embrace – and in fact reject – what I have proposed above. However, I would ask you to consider this: Imagine someone who lived his or her life experiencing the love, warmth, and joy of living in this fashion. Now, imagine someone else who lived life rejecting all of these notions and believing that life was a painful, lonely, dismal, and spiritless place. If both of these individuals died tomorrow, who do you suppose lived the happier life? The way you choose to live your life is always your choice. Always remember that. Because we truly do not know how the spiritual world works or what happens after we pass. Although, there have been accounts of near death experiences where beauty and reunions with loved ones of the past have been repeatedly described in detail.

I have made my choice. Which life will you choose? A life full of beauty, love, warmth, joy, inspiration, and hope? Or a life filled with pain, loneliness, pessimism, negativity, emptiness, and despair? Because it truly does not matter. Things will happen the way they do no matter how you choose to live your life. It does not matter. Or perhaps, more importantly, it does.

I hope this article will inspire some of you to live a happier life. I do not care which specific path or journey you choose so long as it does not create negativity towards yourself or towards others. Just choose a happy one. Not only for the benefit of yourself, but for the benefit of those who surround you.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

Happiness Is Easy: A Simple Guide For Creating Greater Joy, Inspiration, and Positivity In Life

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

This article presents a wonderful way in which to create greater joy, inspiration, and positivity in life by regularly performing assessments, reflecting on these, and making adjustments accordingly such that you begin to fill more of your time with that which promotes a sense of joy, inspiration, and positivity in your life and less with that which does not. This includes the tasks, chores, and work that you perform, the people that you spend your time with, and the activities that you engage in. By mindfully evaluating and reflecting upon these areas of your life, on a regular basis, you will be able to readily determine which of these aspects promote a sense of joy, inspiration, and positivity in your life and which do not. For those aspects that do you will want to mindfully and intentionally fill more of your time with these. For those aspects which do not you will want to either find creative ways in which to make these aspects more positive in nature or seek to remove yourself from or minimize your participation in these.

Concerning ways in which to modify aspects such that they become more positive in nature, one example might be related to work. For example, if the work that you regularly perform tends to be somewhat boring in nature then you might seek ways in which to make the work more interesting. One way to do this might be to seek to gain knowledge or develop skills which might serve to benefit you both at work and outside of work or provide transferrable knowledge and skills to other types of work that you might have greater interest in. Concerning aspects which you cannot modify or moderate in some fashion then you might seek to distance yourself from or minimize your participation in these. For example, if select individuals that you regularly spend your time with tend to create drama and negativity in your life, then you might want to mindfully and intentionally create distance, or remove yourself completely, at least until that point in time where you can be in the presence of these individuals and remain unaffected. Frequently, people will continue to maintain relationships with others even when they are negative, hurtful, unhealthy, or detrimental in nature. Don’t do this to yourself. It can sap your energy and fill you with negative thoughts and feelings. A better way to proceed is to mindfully evaluate your relationships, from time to time, and participate more in those that tend to be positive in nature and less in those which are not. This goes for all types of relationships to include romantic partners, friendships, family members, co-workers, and acquaintances.

Each of these are examples of ways in which to progress towards living a happier life: filling more of your life with the positive and removing or distancing yourself from that which tends to be negative in nature. By mindfully, intentionally, and incrementally progressing towards the positive and away from the negative you will develop a greater sense of joy, inspiration, and positivity in your life. And this will feel wonderful. And this will energize and motivate you. And this will benefit not only yourself, but also others who surround you. How much joy, inspiration, and positivity can you stand? Well, you will soon find out as soon as you begin to live your life in this fashion. Yes, happiness is easy. You just have to mindfully, intentionally, and incrementally take the steps to get you there. Make it your lifelong goal to regularly fill more of your time doing that which brings you happiness and less doing that which does not. Remain ever mindful of this over the days, weeks, months, and years of your life. In doing so, you will create and experience a wonderful life filled with all of the joy, inspiration, and positivity you can possibly imagine. You can start creating this life today. So, do this for yourself if you can. And if you need any help with this you know who to ask.

This article describes one way in which to create greater joy, inspiration, and positivity in life by putting more time and energy towards the positive aspects and less time and energy towards the negative aspects. I hope that some of you will find this article to be informative, helpful, and inspirational. To date I’ve written several articles related to creating and living a happier life. Click on “Personal Improvement, Development, and Growth Related Posts” on the sidebar to the right or below (depending upon which device you are using) if you would like to read some of these other articles for helpful tips on how to create greater peace, happiness, and progress in life if you think they might be helpful to you or to others in your life.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

For those that do not know, I perform life coaching and training services in two primary areas: 1) Personal and Professional Improvement, Development, and Growth, and 2) Financial Planning, Management, and Investing. As such, I generally alternate the articles that I write via my blogs between these two topic areas. This particular article is associated with the first area that I life coach in. So if you don’t have much interest in personal and professional improvement, development, and growth, rest assured that soon I will write an article which will be in the area that you might have greater interest in; the financial planning, management, and investing area. You can also follow me on Twitter if you like at: Joseph M Brennan Jr @ BrighterDaysLC

Please contact me if you, or someone else in your life, could use some assistance with either of the two primary areas that I actively perform life coaching in. You can learn more about each of these areas by clicking on the menu, footer, and sidebar items.

Joseph M. Brennan Jr.
CEO/Life Coach – Brighter Days Life Coaching
“Your Brighter Days Life Coach for Life”

6-27-2013BrennanPhotos-Main1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make a Bad Day Better
Make a Good Day Better
Create a Brighter Life

How to Create a Sense of Joy, Peace, Inspiration, and Adventure In Your Life Through Mindfulness and Intention

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

This article presents one way in which to create greater joy, peace, fun, and inspiration in your life by mindfully and intentionally slowing down a bit and moving at a patient, enjoyable, leisurely pace from time to time; creating a sense of unrestricted, childlike freedom, wonder, mystery, curiosity, exploration, interest, and adventure in the process. Can you simply let go every once in awhile, relinquish control, and be open to allowing things to unfold mysteriously, in any manner that they might, and then gently and lovingly responding accordingly to whatever happens however it happens? Some of this might involve being receptive to changes in plans, activities, and routines such as being amenable to doing different kinds of things or going to different places or locations than you usually might. Some of this might even involve doing the same kinds of activities, but being open to experiencing them differently such as modifying them a bit to make them more enjoyable, fulfilling, or inspirational in nature, processing them differently, performing them at different times, or changing routes to experience alternate perspectives. Try living your life in this fashion, from time to time, and notice how soothing, peaceful, and enjoyable it feels whenever you are able to do this.

Anytime that I operate in this manner I tell myself that it will be interesting to see what happens, interesting to see who I might come into contact with, and interesting to see how things might play out. I ponder who I might see along the way or how differently things might look or feel. So experience the release. Experience the joy. And experience the fresh, free-wheeling, free-spirited fun. Be open, fluid, and flexible, for moments at a time, knowing that any slight change or variation can introduce new experiences, new faces that you might come across, a change in scenery, and widely varied sources of inspiration if you are receptive to these. Engage your imagination and creativity, in these moments, allowing them to play a little and to run wild and free. Be observant and reflective and be childlike and playful in nature by deeply and fully experiencing the wonder, the magic, and the mystery that such moments can bring. Marvel with eyes of wonder and allow yourself to become absorbed in your surroundings, your inspiration, and in your experiences. Maintain an open, peaceful, observant, reflective, and relaxed state of mind throughout this process. Try doing this for yourself from time to time and notice how wonderful it feels. Then start mindfully and intentionally doing this a little more often in your life. Plant these seeds of change and watch them blossom into an abundance of joy, peace, fun, freedom, inspiration, and adventure in your life. Aspects which will benefit not only yourself, but also others who surround you. What a wonderful life we could all share if we lived more of our lives in this fashion instead of always moving at a stressful, hurried, painful pace the way that we so often do.

You can create and experience a wonderful life filled with all of the joy, peace, fun, freedom, inspiration, and adventure you can possibly imagine by spending more of your life moving at a patient, pleasurable, leisurely pace instead at a painful, stressful, hurried pace. So try doing this for yourself if you can. And if you need any help with this you know who to ask.

This article describes one way in which create a life full of joy, peace, fun, and inspiration in your life by slowing down a bit, from time to time, and moving at a patient, enjoyable, leisurely pace. I hope that some of you will find this article to be helpful. To date I’ve written several articles related to creating and living a happier life. Click on “Personal Improvement, Development, and Growth Related Posts” on the sidebar to the right or below (depending upon which device you are using) if you would like to read some of these other articles for helpful tips on how to create greater peace, happiness, and progress in life if you think they might be helpful to you or to others in your life.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

For those that do not know, I perform life coaching and training services in two primary areas: 1) Personal and Professional Improvement, Development, and Growth, and 2) Financial Planning, Management, and Investing. As such, I generally alternate the articles that I write via my blogs between these two topic areas. This particular article is associated with the first area that I life coach in. So if you don’t have much interest in personal and professional improvement, development, and growth, rest assured that soon I will write an article which will be in the area that you might have greater interest in; the financial planning, management, and investing area. You can also follow me on Twitter if you like at: Joseph M Brennan Jr @ BrighterDaysLC Please contact me if you, or someone else in your life, could use some assistance with either of the two primary areas that I actively perform life coaching in. You can learn more about each of these areas by clicking on the menu, footer, and sidebar items.

 

Joseph M. Brennan Jr.
CEO/Life Coach – Brighter Days Life Coaching
“Your Brighter Days Life Coach for Life”

6-27-2013BrennanPhotos-Main1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make a Bad Day Better
Make a Good Day Better
Create a Brighter Life

 

Achieve Greater Peace and Happiness By Breaking the Negative Thinking Cycle

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Breaking the negative thinking cycle is one of the more significant contributers to the levels of happiness – or unhappiness for that matter – that people experience throughout their entire lives. So, anything we do to improve in this regard can be helpful for not only ourselves but also others who surround us.

For example, one of the primary reasons people suffer from low self-esteem is because they treat themselves unkindly. The first step for improving in this regard involves becoming more mindfully aware of when you are treating yourself unkindly instead of mindlessly continuing to engage in these activities. Often, negative experiences result from mindlessly and repeatedly treating ourselves unkindly via thoughts, words, and actions. So, a good way to challenge this tendency is becoming more mindfully aware of when we are treating ourselves unkindly – at least for part of the time (step 1 of the process).

You might tell yourself something like, “There it is… I did it again…”, when catching yourself and remind yourself something like, “I’m not doing this to myself anymore… I am now treating myself more kindly”, and then release the original negative thought. Every time you are successful in doing this, you will break the negative cycle. Every time you break the negative cycle, you will improve the way you feel. Eventually, you will get to the point that, in addition to performing step 1 of this process, you will reconsider the original self-directed negative thought and transform it into something more positive (step 2 of the process).

Often, people suffering from these kinds of issues use negative labels and generalizations against themselves such as “stupid”, “failure”, “loser”, etc. So, someone might innocently forget where he placed his keys and tell himself something like, “I’m so stupid”, but after performing step 1 of this process become aware that, in that moment, he is treating himself unkindly and then gently release the negative thought. Ideally, he would then perform step 2 of the process and reconsider the thought, “I am so stupid” , and upon further reflection realize, “Wait a minute, I’m not stupid. I just misplaced my keys. Sometimes, I get a little sidetracked but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid.” Transforming the original self-directed negative thought into something more positive.

I have frequently met people who seemingly, jokingly use negative words against themselves such as “stupid” or “loser”. When I encounter such situations, I often gently try to guide them away from the use of such words with the realization that the self-directed negative words expressed verbally are probably a very small subset of all of such self-directed negative words they routinely engaged in internally. Even if these words are used – on some occasions – truly in a joking manner, often people begin to believe the things they tell themselves over time. Especially, if they happen in a repetitive fashion. So, I always try to help people gain this awareness so they at least have the opportunity to break the negative cycle if they choose to.

Every time you become more mindfully aware and break the negative cycle, you will feel better about yourself. And this MINDFUL AWARENESS => BREAK THE NEGATIVE CYCLE process can continue from hour-to-hour to week-to-week to month-to-month. If you keep going through this process, you will eventually get to the point where you will treat yourself kindly – instead of unkindly – for much of the time. And this will allow you to love yourself more. And this will make you feel wonderful. And this will create greater joy both within yourself and within your surroundings. How much joy can you stand? You will soon find out once you begin to improve in these regards. So, do this for yourself if you can.

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

 

Joseph M. Brennan Jr.
CEO/Life Coach – Brighter Days Life Coaching
“Your Brighter Days Life Coach for Life”

6-27-2013BrennanPhotos-Main1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make a Bad Day Better
Make a Good Day Better
Create a Brighter Life

 

Living Mindfully and Intentionally, Being Clear-Headed and Open-Minded, and Releasing the Need to be Right or Defensive

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

This article is about living more mindfully and intentionally, being more clear-headed and open-minded, and releasing the need to be “right” or defensive. Part of this involves acknowledging and understanding that just because we, or others in our lives, express a certain belief, opinion, or criticism about something this does not mean it is necessarily or absolutely true. It might appear to be true based on someone’s individual experiences, knowledge, or perceptions at the time but one’s individual set of experiences, knowledge, and perceptions are only a small subset of the possible set of those which exist. Carrying this realization can go a long way in becoming a more understanding, compassionate, and forgiving person towards others (and towards yourself for that matter), and for living a happier, more peaceful life. 

What I often tell people in situations where they feel they have been wrongly judged, criticized, or treated unkindly in some fashion is to first take some time to get clear on what their ideal end result would be in such a situation before responding with action. Otherwise, they might end up creating the opposite effect from what they might truly desire. In situations such as this, simply get yourself into a quiet place and mindfully contemplate: “What would my ideal end result be if I could have things any way I wanted them to be?” Take some time with formulating your vision. Then focus intently on this vision, define what actions you could take to progress towards the end result represented by your vision, and start working towards these.

Many times in life, our most desired end result involves some form of love, warmth, closeness, and community with others. When this is the case, use your ideal vision of what you truly desire to guide your actions rather than your ego’s vision of wanting to be right, or to be a victim, by its focus on the perceived hurt, harm, pain, and wrongdoing. If you operate in this fashion you will get much closer to what you truly desire in life or at least be able to feel good in knowing you did your part in these regards.

Of course, there is always the other side of the equation associated with how others will respond to your good intentions. However, this is something you have little control over. Simply do your part, feel good about the actions you’ve taken to date (and continue taking them), and don’t worry about what you cannot control. Others often get held hostage by their egos just as we sometimes have in the past. So, try to be patient, forgiving, and accepting towards them. Just do your part to get closer to what you want and patiently wait for others to respond accordingly.

Most likely the actions you will want to take, in situations where your most desired end result involves creating greater love, warmth, closeness, and community with others, would primarily involve some form of loving-kindness towards others by bringing a successful resolution to the situation at hand in a kind and loving manner and improving your relationship. Many times, however, people do the opposite – focusing instead on the perceived hurt, harm, pain, or wrongdoing. But if we operate in this fashion we will end up creating distance in our relationships instead of the closeness we might truly desire.

Suppose, for example, someone criticized you for something you said or did. If you focus solely on the perceived hurt, harm, pain, and wrongdoing the person caused, you will often reciprocate an amplified version of this hurt, harm, pain, and wrongdoing. And this reciprocation process can continue, back and forth, for days, weeks, and even months and years if you allow things to really get out of hand. Your ego will feel vindicated but you will end up at the opposite end of the spectrum from where you truly desired to be – creating distance instead of the closeness you would have otherwise wanted had you acted in accordance with your true desires.

Sometimes this process also involves challenging yourself to understand the other person’s perspective – realizing that based on the person’s individual experiences, knowledge, and perceptions, things might have appeared the way they did (whether you agree with them or not). This can allow you to gain a better perspective and understanding and perhaps even allow you to grow or improve in some regard.

Several years ago, I helped someone with a personal relationship situation using this very approach. He had been dating someone for a few months before they started having problems. So, we talked more about it and he concluded that his most desired end result would be working things out and creating a stronger, warmer relationship with the person.

Now, another aspect of all of this involves making a decision, while we are clear-headed and in a positive emotional state, and sticking with that decision for some period of time until we decide to re-evaluate and perhaps even re-decide. So, in this situation, where someone made a clear-headed decision to work things out and create a warmer relationship, the person would ensure his or her follow-on thoughts, communications, and actions were consistent with that decision – saying “yes” to thoughts, communications, and actions which moved him or her closer to what was decided and “no” to those which did not. So, if the person detected negative thoughts, communications, or actions towards his or her partner, then he or she would regroup, remember and honor the decision made, and then remind himself/herself that these are inconsistent with the decision made, release these, and focus on creating something more positive. If you do this it will simplify your life and ensure consistent and steady progress towards the decisions you make.

Well, as it turned out, the person I helped above was at a pivotal point in his relationship. He was ready to just end the relationship right there until he talked with me about it. He then used the above process and now, years later, he is still in the same relationship and they are happier than they ever have been. That’s the power of this process. It can really change your life.

Now, there exist some situations in life where, out of self-love and self-preservation, the most desired end result might involve creating greater distance from certain others – especially those who tend to be detrimental towards us. Again, for these kinds of situations, get yourself into a quiet place and mindfully contemplate: “What would my ideal end result be if I could have things any way I wanted them to be?” Take some time with formulating your vision. Then focus intently on this vision, define what actions you could take to progress towards the end result represented by your vision, and start working towards these. In situations involving a desire to create distance from situations which are detrimental towards you, it can be helpful to focus intently on, and perhaps even amplify or exaggerate, the hurt, harm, pain, and wrongdoing experienced to provide you with the strength and reminders needed to create, and remain committed to maintaining, this distance. This aspect also involves making a decision, while clear-headed and in a positive emotional state, and sticking with it for some period of time until a decision is made to re-evaluate and perhaps even re-decide.

Each of these situations essentially involves the same process: getting yourself into a quiet place, taking some time to mindfully contemplate and formulate what your ideal end result would be, making a clear-headed decision, and allowing this vision/decision to guide your actions in a mindful, intentional fashion instead of in a mindless, reactive one which is the default position many people take. You can create and experience a wonderful life filled with all of the love, warmth, happiness, and peace you can possibly imagine by living mindfully and intentionally instead of in a mindless and reactive fashion. So do this for yourself if you can.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

 

Joseph M. Brennan Jr.
CEO/Life Coach – Brighter Days Life Coaching
“Your Brighter Days Life Coach for Life”

Brighter Days 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make a Bad Day Better
Make a Good Day Better
Create a Brighter Life

 

Achieve Greater Happiness By Prioritizing Life Activities

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One of the keys to happiness involves mindfully and intentionally ensuring the activities you perform on a day-to-day basis contribute, or add value, to your life in some fashion. I always tell people to make it a regular practice to evaluate the activities they perform on a day-to-day basis to make this determination and continue those activities which do contribute, or add value, to their lives while eliminating or reducing their participation in those which do not. By mindfully and intentionally living in this fashion, you will begin to remove the “clutter” from your life and achieve greater peace, happiness, and balance throughout the days, weeks, months, and years of your life.

In my own life, I performed such an evaluation and came to realize I spent a significant amount of time on social media, obsessively reading everyone’s posts, without realizing how much time it consumed. I am glad that I broke that “addiction” and encourage some of you to give it a try if you experience similar compulsions. I’ve been so much more productive and made so much more progress since letting this go. So, make it a regular practice to mindfully and intentionally evaluate the activities you perform, prioritize these, and make adjustments accordingly.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

Joseph M. Brennan Jr.
CEO/Life Coach – Brighter Days Life Coaching
“Your Brighter Days Life Coach for Life”

Brighter Days 1
Make a Bad Day Better
Make a Good Day Better
Create a Brighter Life