fulfillment

HAPPINESS TIP – LIVING IN THE MOMENT CAN BE DETRIMENTAL AT TIMES… HERE’S WHY:

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Here’s a Happiness Tip which might be helpful for some of you out there regarding present-mindedness and why it can be detrimental at times.

So often in life we are encouraged to “live in the moment,” “be present,” and “seize the day!” (i.e., “carpe diem!”) – among other, similar, popular kinds of expressions. And while living in this fashion can be helpful at times for easing worries, distress, and negativity, and creating a momentary sense of peace and enjoyment, there are also times when it can do more harm than good. Especially, during those times when we fall victim to temptations, addictions, compulsions,  distractions (TACDs), and procrastination.

Years ago I had a computer game addiction. It seemed fun and exhilarating in the micro moment-to-moment but when “zooming out” to the more macro level, I realized after playing such games all night – every night – that these kinds of activities were consuming my life to the point where they created extensive stress, fatigue, anxiety, and a lack of performance and progress in other areas of my life. Many temptation, addiction,  compulsion, distraction, and procrastination challenges do the same. Several examples come to mind:

  • spending money “seizing the day!” – every day – so there is nothing put towards the future,
  • drugs, alcohol, and other kinds of temptations and addictions,
  • anything which consumes more of life than one might like such as sports, social media, information or media content, television, social activities, money related obsessions, the internet, video games, cleaning, sex, work (in the case of workaholics), or activities (in the case of “doaholics”), and
  • anything and everything delayed or avoided due to procrastination.

Living in the moment – or a day at a time – can seem a pleasure paradise for anyone experiencing challenges such as the above because living in this fashion can lead people to believe they are living happy, successful, productive lives when – in actuality – they are not.

“How can you tell?” someone might ask. Well, one thing you can do is “zoom out” and examine your overall life from time to time. When doing this, ask yourself something like: “Am I progressing towards longer term happiness and success in my work, relationships, activities, goals, and my life overall?” If you’re not, then you might be falling victim to a “live in the moment” or “carpe diem!” mentality. Such a mentality can be a great excuse for taking detours and not moving forward in life but will never get you to where you desire to go over the longer term. Ask any addict, procrastinator, or exuberant spender.

A good way to address TACD and procrastination challenges is taking steps to moderate or eliminate anything which might be holding you back or consuming more of your life than you might like. Let’s take the computer games addiction above as an example. One way to moderate such an activity might be to limit participation such that you allow yourself to only play computer games on Wednesday and Friday nights from 8:00 pm to 11:00 pm. In my case, I elected to eliminate computer games completely. However, I could have simply limited my participation in these kinds of activities.

Some of the above TACD and procrastination challenges can be handled by simply moderating them while others – such as more severe addictions – might need to be eliminated completely. Do what works best for you or those you are providing assistance to.

Now, while it can certainly be helpful at times to “live in the present,” for easing periods of worry, distress, and negativity, and for creating a momentary sense of peace and enjoyment in life, there are also times when it can do more harm than good. So, get into the practice of “zooming out” and examining your overall life from time to time to ensure you are progressing towards the longer term happiness, harmony, and success you truly desire in life and taking steps to address any problem areas you find along the way. What a wonderful life you (and others) will create and share if you live in this fashion.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/


#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #mindfulness #peace #love #relationships #discipline #balance #joy #optimism #positivethinking

HAPPINESS TIP: EXPEND TIME AND ENERGY ON THAT WHICH OFFERS VALUE TO YOU AND LITTLE TO NONE ON THAT WHICH DOES NOT

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Here’s a Happiness Tip which might be helpful to some of you out there: Be very mindful of how you use your time and energy. Expend most of your time and energy on that which truly offers value to you and little to none on anything which does not. This goes for the activities you engage in, the work you perform, the people in your life, and the information and media content you expose yourself to.

For example, one of the time and energy depleters in life I commonly come across – when helping others as a life coach – involves people. If there are people who do not value you or add value to your life, then do not waste another precious moment until they do (if ever). It’s just wasted energy. Nothing you do will do anything for them until they learn to value and appreciate you or add value in some fashion.

So, clear the clutter and focus on that and those which add value to your life. You will be much happier and live a rich and rewarding life if you do because you will have the time and energy to expend on that and those which truly matter instead of being consumed by that and those which don’t. So, clear that clutter. And clear it often.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/

#happiness #selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration

HAPPINESS TIP: LOVE, MARVEL, AND LET GO

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Well, just what exactly are you looking for? Magic and mystery and music and magnificence dance and abound all around you every moment of every day. The sunshine smiles, the skies wander, nature sings, animals love, and the earth spins in rhythm with the heavens in perfect balance and harmony.

What more than this is needed to make one smile, sing, and dance with joy and boundless love, wonder, amazement, and appreciation? What more I ask? What more could you be looking for?

Life and living is here right here and right now. Simply love and marvel and let go and waltz with the never-ending warmth, beauty, and flow.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

HAPPINESS TIP: CLEAR THE CLUTTER AND TAKE STEPS TO LIVE INCREASINGLY HAPPIER

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Frequently, when you life coach people, you come up with alternate approaches for improving oneself and living happier. This is because everybody is different.  Something that works well for one person doesn’t work as well for someone else (and vice versa). Recently,  I worked with someone and came up with an alternate approach to living increasingly happier instead of the technique I originally used. It works like this:

Ask yourself what aspects of your life tend to affect you in a strongly negative way – creating substantial unhappiness in your life. When doing this consider activities you engage in, the work you perform, your financial situation, the people in your life, the information and media content you tend to surround yourself with and expose yourself to, your living situation, the goals you are presently pursuing (and any new ones you are considering), that which consumes your life more than you would like, any new experiences you are considering, and any personal issues which repeatedly create substantial unhappiness or negativity for you such as recurring stress, depression, anxiety, guilt, anger, and temptations, addictions, and compulsions. Becoming mindful of these aspects is helpful because awareness is the first step to change.

Upon gaining this awareness, you would next ask yourself what steps you can take to address each of the aspects of your life which affect you in a strongly negative way. Potential ways to address these generally fall into two primary categories: (1) those which involve creating distance or limiting participation (to include perhaps even removing oneself completely where possible or feasible), and (2) those which involve taking steps to work through or making significant changes. For those which fall into the second category – which might include current life challenges, work, and recurring personal issues (stress, depression, anxiety, etc.) – you would consider actions you can take to address these such as reading books on the topic(s), getting professional assistance, going to a support group or workshop, talking with others who have gone through similar experiences, and investigating/employing various other potential resources and sources of support. 

Once you have sufficiently addressed the strongly negative aspects, you would next consider what aspects of your life inspire or affect you in a strongly positive way – creating substantial joy and happiness in your life. You would then ask yourself what you can do to move towards, or increase your participation in, these strongly positive aspects and start taking these steps.

Once you’ve addressed all of the strongly negative and strongly positive aspects of your life, you would then repeat the above process by considering and addressing the moderately negative and moderately positive aspects.

As you fill more of your life with the positive and less with the negative, you will clear the “clutter” from your life and become increasingly happier. Once you’ve made significant progress in these regards start over and repeat these steps. Some people like to perform this process on an annual basis, perhaps the week leading to New Year’s or the week leading to their birthday, while others prefer to do this more frequently. Just do what works for you or those you are offering assistance to. 

Every time you inventory your life in the above fashion and work towards improvement, you will move in a positive direction, your life will get better, and you will feel increasingly happier. So don’t delay. Start today.

Here’s the original technique I used in case some of you would prefer this approach. Both approaches work well for promoting happiness in life but some prefer the original approach while others prefer the alternate approach addressed here. Just experiment with each of these and do what works best for you (or others you are offering assistance to). 

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

HAPPINESS TIP: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE VALUE OF TRUST

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One of the more difficult things to do in life is to build trust. It’s far easier to break trust than to build trust. But it’s also much easier to build trust than to repair trust.

So, never underestimate the value of trust. Trust is important for all types of relationships including romantic relationships, friendships and family, and work and community relationships. So, if you want to live a happy and peaceful life, make it your goal to live with a sense of discipline and commitment such that you avoid breaking trust.

The reason why it’s so difficult to repair trust once it has been broken is you have to develop not only a track record of trust and a consistent positive change in behavior but an OBSERVED, DEMONSTRATED, and PROVEN track record in the minds of those you are seeking to repair trust with – people who already have doubts about you and may have a lot of trouble believing your good intentions. This doubt and negative bias can be extremely difficult to overcome. So, do yourself a favor and put forth your best efforts to live a disciplined life and maintain a sense of trust. If you do this, your life will be much easier, happier, and more peaceful.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

HAPPINESS TIP: FOCUS ON CONTRIBUTIONS INSTEAD OF RESULTS

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

In such a “results and outcomes” focused society, it can be easy to feel over-burdened and unhappy at times. However, if you focus solely on, and allow yourself to be happy with, your contributions instead of on results and outcomes you will feel much better about your life and about yourself. We do not control results and outcomes. We only control our contributions.

Many things in life happen the way they do no matter what we do or how much we give. So, get in the practice of detaching from results and outcomes. Just do your best – whatever your best might be at the time given everything you have going on in your life and how you are feeling at the time – and be content with that. It’s the best you can do and you can feel good about that. Don’t worry so much about what you cannot control. Just do your part. That’s all you can ask of yourself (and others).

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

HAPPINESS TIP: LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS OF WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One way to live happier is taking steps to better ensure you live without regrets. This essentially involves taking chances: taking chances on people, taking chances on opportunities, and taking chances on life experiences.

For example, back in my early 30s, to overcome my shy nature with respect to initiating conversations with others I did not know, I created and adopted the expression: “I’d rather try than be haunted by…” because the potential discomfort of trying and getting shunned was less painful than the haunting, restless thoughts of what might have been.

And I’ve had a lot of fun and gained a number of friends and wonderful life experiences over the years because of this. Many of which involve friendships which have lasted 15+ years!

A simple way to express this idea is (which my more intellectual followers might appreciate): “If A would like B to be a part of A’s life experience, then it probably makes sense for A to do something to initiate the process or communicate some sort of interest. Otherwise it may not happen.”

So, do not miss out on these kinds of wonderful life opportunities! The people and experiences in your life can add such color, beauty, excitement, and comfort throughout the months, years, and decades of your life. I STRONGLY encourage you to do this for yourself from time to time. Because you never know what might happen. So, do this for yourself if your can!

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

BE A SOURCE OF PEACE, PATIENCE, AND POSITIVITY TO OTHERS

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One thing which can be helpful when those you love and appreciate are burdened by something or experiencing extreme negative thoughts and feelings is being a consistent source of peace, patience, and positivity for the troubled person (and others in your life). Anytime others perceive us as a consistent source of these kinds of positive qualities, they will spend more time with us and communicate with us more – both in good times and bad.

If you truly desire to serve as this constant source of peace, patience, and positivity to others, then focus on this desired vision for yourself and ask yourself what actions you can take today, tomorrow, next week, and next month to progress towards this and then start taking these actions. In addition, review and reflect on your progress by asking yourself, throughout your days, if your behaviors, actions, and communications have been consistent with your vision and make adjustments accordingly to ensure you converge towards it – saying “yes” to anything which moves you closer to your vision of peace, patience, and positivity and “no” to anything which does not. If you do these things, you will begin to embody the positive qualities you are envisioning for yourself.

I used this very technique to help a young woman I coached recently named Anne. Anne was worried because her girlfriend was becoming distant – not spending as much time or communicating with her as much as she had in the past. After talking with Anne further, it came to light that her girlfriend was getting overwhelmed by the health problems her mother was experiencing and the need for constant support. And things kept getting worse.

Up to that point in time, Anne would freely share her day-to-day problems, issues, and concerns with her girlfriend. It’s just something they had always done. I pointed out to Anne that her girlfriend – in going through the challenges with her mother – was living a life far out of balance and the imbalance and happenings in her life were creating a substantial amount stress, negativity, and chaos. As such, burdening her girlfriend further by communicating her own problems, issues, and concerns would make her girlfriend feel even more overwhelmed and intensify her negative feelings of stress, irritability, sadness, anxiety, and chaos – all of which might create additional withdrawal and isolation (in the best case) or a quick, desperate reaction (in the worst case).

So, I strongly encouraged Anne to refrain from sharing her day-to-day problems, issues, and concerns with her girlfriend during this period of time and instead sharing them with others in her life if she felt the need – others who were not going through such intense challenges in their lives. I also challenged Anne to focus primarily on becoming a consistent source of peace, patience, and positivity for her girlfriend because of the increased likelihood they might spend more time together and communicate more with each other if her girlfriend associated Anne with these kinds of positive qualities – positive qualities which offered: (1) a safe haven away from all of the chaos and imbalance she was experiencing, and (2) a way of gaining back some of that balance and recharging and rejuvenating herself in the process.

Well, Anne did exactly that – actively taking steps to become a consistent source of peace, patience, and positivity to her girlfriend – saying “yes” to anything that moved her closer to this vision and “no” to anything which did not. And sure enough, her girlfriend started coming around much more often and they were able to recover from what might have otherwise resulted in a tragic event.

So, always keep this in mind when dealing with people in your life who are experiencing significant challenges. They might need a break from everything they are going through – and if you can offer this to them, this might be the very thing which allows them to successfully navigate and overcome the highly stressful challenges and events in their lives.   

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

THE HUGE HIDDEN WAY TO DESTROY RELATIONSHIPS AND WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY YES TO ANYONE WITHOUT DOING THIS FIRST!

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Sometimes, in our lives, we might say “yes” to those we are close to even when doing so might make us unhappy. Often, people do this out of their desire to be supportive and create additional closeness with others. However, what they fail to realize is that whenever they sacrifice their own happiness, needs, and desires in support of others, they will frequently create negative thoughts and feelings towards those they are seeking to please (as well as themselves). Thus, instead of the closeness they anticipated creating, they often end up creating distance instead.

For example, imagine you finally got a day to yourself and decided to spend the day being creative and doing some paintings you’ve been wanting to work on for some time now. Your romantic partner – upon realizing that you had the day off – asks you to perform a few errands and to get together for lunch. You don’t really want to do any of this because it interferes with your own plans but you agree to it because you think it would be kinder and less selfish of you to do so. So, you end up spending a few hours doing this and even though it only took a few hours, it might create negative thoughts and feelings towards your partner (and yourself) in the hours and days and weeks which follow – something which can create distance in your relationship instead of the closeness you had anticipated creating by being so supportive. This can happen anytime that you place the happiness and desires of others before your own. Especially, for things which truly matter to you.

Another example of this involves making plans. Recently, I coached a woman who had communicated that her boyfriend planned events for them to attend which she did not enjoy very much. She would go because he was her boyfriend but she would experience a large amount of stress, negativity, and anxiety leading up to the events, awkwardness at the events themselves when trying to “fit in” and being careful not to do anything socially awkward, and after the events when repeatedly criticizing herself for any faults or imperfections and telling herself she should have done better. So, she would experience a huge amount of stress, anxiety, and negativity leading up to the events, during the events themselves, and after the events. Stress, anxiety, and negativity which consumed her and made her less available and attentive towards herself and her partner.

The problem with situations such as the above is frequently people plan events and activities based on what they value. And values tend to vary widely between one person and the next. For example, her partner was very extroverted in nature and enjoyed large gatherings and events. She was the opposite. So, I encouraged her to have honest discussions with her partner about her values and preferences so that he could become more mindful of these and make plans accordingly. I also encouraged her to get in the practice of saying “no” to things which make her unhappy – because doing what you truly do not want to do can affect your relationships in huge and lasting ways.

If you operate in the above fashion you will live a happy, peaceful, authentic life – your own and nobody else’s. And you will take actions and support events and activities which are ALWAYS right for you and others in your life. What a wonderful life you will create and share if you live in this fashion. So, do this for yourself (and others) if you can. Oh, and also be sure to read this related article about why you should never take the advice of anyone (including me!)!

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

HAPPINESS CHALLENGE: BE AND SEE THE LIGHT AND WARMTH

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Here’s a worthwhile happiness challenge for you: See how many times you can be the light and warmth to others and see the light and warmth within others. We provide such joy and peace to those who come in contact with us when we are happy, calm, and peaceful ourselves – even when no words are spoken. So, strive to be that beaming light of love, warmth, happiness, peace, and inspiration each and every day.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships