self-improvement

Create Excitement Through Synergy and Opportunity

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

I frequently tell people there is synergy and opportunity in most everything in life. Even things you might not be very excited or motivated about. You just need the ability to recognize, create, and capitalize on it. The first step to this “recognize, create, and capitalize” process is awareness. What motivates or excites you? What do you truly value or enjoy in life? What knowledge, training, experiences, or skills might interest you or get you closer to where you long to be in life? These are some of the questions you might ask yourself when performing such an inquiry. Listen for and be open to the possibilities. Then make a list of what comes to you and listen for more possibilities. Then revise the list and listen for more  possibilities. And once you think your list is final listen once more for the possibilities and revise the list again. Then prioritize your list by placing that which you are most excited about or long for most towards the top. Eventually you will get to the point where you will no longer need a list – you will simply know these things without even having to think about them. But you can repeat this process anytime you want to open yourself up to new possibilities.


Once you gain this awareness it will be easier for you to recognize, create, and capitalize on synergies and opportunities by aligning those activities you already perform with that which you truly want for yourself. For example, someone might complain about feeling bored at work or at home. But anytime you experience periods others might describe as boring or unproductive in nature, you will recognize these as opportunities to work towards something on your  “Happiness, Interests, and Excitements” list. You can simply go down the list from the highest  priority item at the top and work your way down until you identify something which might be feasible to work towards depending on where you are and what you are doing at the time. Eventually, those periods  of boredom and unproductivity will disappear completely because you will simply think to yourself, “Oh good! Right now I have time to work towards…” (insert item from your  “Happiness, Interests, and Excitements” list). And you can make steady progress whether it’s learning a foreign language, trying out new skills or experiences, investigating potential travel destinations, learning about finance and investing, researching a new business or career, or exploring new ideas.

As another example, someone might be unhappy about all of the hours they have to work. But whenever you work extra hours you might recognize this as an opportunity to accumulate additional resources to put towards something on your  “Happiness, Interests, and Excitements” list. This additional money might come from: 1) the income earned for the extra hours worked, 2) the savings generated by not having time to spend the money earned,  or 3) a combination of these. Once the busy period expires you might be able to purchase one or more of the desired items or experiences on your list. Eventually, those periods of unhappiness will vanish completely because you will simply think to yourself, “Oh good! Working these extra hours will allow me to purchase…” (insert item from your  “Happiness, Interests, and Excitements” list).

So the above are two examples of how these ideas might be applied by taking the former “negative” perception and transforming that into something that you truly want for yourself, something you can feel good and motivated about, and something you can look forward to. Anytime you are able to transform the “negative” into something more positive you will feel happier and better about yourself and your life. So always make a concerted effort to recognize, create, and capitalize on synergies and opportunities by aligning the activities you perform with that which you truly want for yourself.

Recently, a woman I talked with was dreading the thought of having to drive to Missouri to attend an event in a rural area. After talking with her a bit more I learned that something she was excited and motivated about in life was travel. So, I suggested that perhaps she should consider the event as an opportunity to explore a few places along the way and back. She could perhaps leave a few days early and explore cities such as Memphis and spend a few days on the way back exploring other cities such as St. Louis or other places she might have interest in. She had  been so focused on the “dreaded” event that she failed to recognize the potential opportunities presented. It’s easy to lose sight of such synergies and opportunities when you heavily focus on the source of displeasure, negativity, or discontent. Many things in life are that way. So always try to broaden your perspective and transform the negative into something more positive.

Opportunities and synergies present themselves each and every day.  You just need the ability to recognize, create, and capitalize on them. So gain and maintain awareness of that which excites, motivates, and interests you and brings you happiness. And incorporate these aspects into your day to day activities as the opportunities arise. If you do this you will feel motivated and inspired and experience great happiness, fulfillment, and contentment for much of the time. So do this for yourself if you can.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

Live and Let Go

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Every day is a wonderful gracious gift to us all. Always try to remember that from hour to hour and day to day. And live your life that way.

 

Most of the negativity and difficulties we experience in life don’t matter much. We’re simply fortunate to be here breathing the same air, enjoying the same sunshine, and experiencing everything in life that we get to experience. For there are many reasons why we might not be here today:

 

– All of the close calls pushing us to the brink of nuclear annihilation, for one, over the past 70 years or so.

 

– Parents not meeting, for another, and the chain of parents all through the ages (think about that for a long, hard moment).

 

– Uncontrollable disease for yet another, etc, etc.

 

So I encourage you to reflect on these kinds of things and to live your life as if a precious gift has been handed you. Because it has including everything it contains such as those who surround you, the place where you live, all you possess, and all you experience. All of this has been given to you by the most gracious of givers. Never forget it.

 

This is your life. Live it, appreciate all you have and get to experience, and let go of negativity. Because it truly does not matter.

 

This is your life. Live it.

 

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

HAPPINESS TIP: BE WHO YOU ARE NOT MATTER WHAT!

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.
Here’s a simple tip for experiencing true happiness throughout the days, weeks, years, and decades of your life: 1) Discover who you are (or keep exploring until you do), 2) Embrace and be okay with who you are, and 3) Be who you are in all of its color and glory (no matter what others think, believe, express, or attempt to convince otherwise!).
 
If you do this, you will live an authentic life filled with all of the happiness, peace, freedom, and excitement you could possibly hope for. It is YOUR life experience (and nobody else’s)! Live it that way!
 
A few years ago, a woman I met seemed a bit embarrassed about being “a geek”. Well, I told her to embrace that quality, hold her head high, and be a geek with a capital G! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with discovering who you are and being who you are. So, always remember that!
 
Another aspect of being who you are is the positive effect if can have on others. For example, people frequently tell me that I have a calming effect on them when they are in my presence. Many times, because of this people like being around me even if all we do is sit and enjoy the silence. It’s so wonderful being appreciated that way. But I wouldn’t be able to create this positive effect if I wasn’t true to myself and didn’t lead an authentic life.

Now, what some people may not understand about me is that I do a lot of things on my own and enjoy it. Although, many times I’m alone, I’m not lonely, and I’m actually happy. So, while I greatly appreciate the polite gestures I sometimes receive I’m really just being me and I’m happy being me.

For example, recently I went to the movies and was the only person there. Many people would have freaked out a little about that, but I was like, “Wow! How nice! I have the entire movie theater to myself!”.

So, find out who you are, be okay with who you are, and be who you are no matter what others think, believe, express, or attempt to convince otherwise. If you do, you will feel happy and at peace for much of the time. And you will have this peace and happiness to offer to others. So do this for yourself if you can.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

The Huge Hidden Cost of Everything (and How to Avoid It)

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Opportunity cost is perhaps the largest cost people experience in their lives. And most people are not even aware they have it or how much they pay out in terms of time, money, effort, happiness, and peace. Days become weeks, weeks become months, months become years, and years become decades as opportunity cost accumulates in the background. How much do you suppose you’ve paid and wasted in opportunity cost over time?

Well, anytime you engage in, participate in, or commit to something you have incurred the opportunity cost of being unavailable for something else which might have been more positive, rewarding, or inspirational in nature. This goes for the people in your life, the activities you engage in, the work you perform, the beliefs you hold onto, what you spend money on, the temptations and addictions you fall victim to, your personal relationships, the goals and dreams you pursue, your mental state of mind, and the attitude or disposition that you generally carry.

For example, people sometimes remain in relationships which are less than ideal for them (or worse) and do not realize how wonderful their lives could otherwise be. Or they work a job which is less inspiring or fulfilling than it could be. Or they believe in something others tell them to even when it creates negativity in their lives or conflicts with their values (and incidentally forgetting something that I always tell people regarding beliefs: “just because you believe it – it does not mean it’s true.”). Or they put in a lot of time, money, and effort towards achieving a goal they told themselves they wanted for years only to discover it’s not what they truly wanted at all. Or they chase after stocks that everybody loves instead of buying the hated ones which offer more promising future gains. Or they live in a constant state of stress, depression, anxiety, and/or negativity instead of taking steps to improve their mental and physical well-being and overall sense of hope, optimism, positivity, and productivity. Or they carry huge grudges, judgments, and resentments against others and never get the chance to create or experience the closeness that they truly desire with these others.

Don’t do this to yourself. There is opportunity cost with everything. So choose wisely. Move towards the more positive, rewarding, and inspirational aspects and distance yourself from the rest. If you do this you will begin to minimize or avoid the opportunity costs in your life and live increasingly happier throughout the remaining days, weeks, months, years, and decades of your life. So do not waste another precious moment. Start living your new life today.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

Live With a Sense of Adventure, Passion, and Excitement

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

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One way to live a happier life is to live with a sense of adventure, passion, and excitement. You can do this by exploring a wide range of interests and new experiences, ensuring you always have something to look forward to, and by allowing things to unfold however they might without any preconceived notions or expectations. Life can be such a thrill if you seek to live in this fashion at least on a periodic basis.

One thing I did recently in this regard was taking a road trip in a Mustang convertible that I rented. And I must admit there is something both free and exhilarating about saying “Let’s put the top down and cruise the open road… GO!”

experienced several wonderful places on this road trip: Savannah, Hilton Head, Georgetown SC, Myrtle Beach, Raleigh, Charleston, and Jacksonville FL. Charleston was probably my favorite out of all of these. I consider Charleston to be the king of charm! Of the 62 places I’ve traveled to and spent a significant amount of quality time in it ranks up at #3 – tied with Guadalajara Mexico, Buenos Aires Argentina, Boston/New England Areas, San Diego California, and Los Angeles California.

Taking a road trip like this in a convertible was something I’ve wanted to do for years now and I finally did it. This demonstrates three things that I frequently tell people for living a happier life: 1) Live with a sense of adventure, passion, and excitement, 2) Reward yourself all along the way towards your goals and dreams, and 3) Always have something to look forward to.
It’s amazing how wonderful it feels just to cruise the open road with the wind blowing all around you. It can greatly inspire you, make you feel alive, give you time for reflection and relaxation, and fill you with overpowering feelings of joy, excitement, and freedom.

So always find ways to incorporate a sense of adventure, passion, and excitement into your life. It can really ignite, reinvigorate, and electrify your life. You will feel like a new person filled with youth, fire, and vigor. So do this for yourself if you can.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

Test Drive Before You Buy (Goals and Experiences Too!)

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

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Over the past week and a half, I took a road trip in this Mustang convertible. I went to Savannah, Hilton Head, back to Orlando, then to Georgetown SC, Myrtle Beach, and Raleigh. I then went to Charleston and Jacksonville FL before coming back home.

Driving a convertible on a lengthy road trip was something that I’ve wanted to do for years now and I finally did it. This is an illustration of something that I frequently tell people for living a happier life: Test drive before you buy – goals and experiences too! That is, see if you can find a way to simulate the experiences you think you might want before making major purchases or before investing a lot of time, effort, and resources so that you can better ensure they represent what you truly want.

For example, one of the reasons why I wanted to rent a convertible was because I had contemplated buying one and wanted to see if this might be in my future. So this provided a low cost option for trying it out first. You can test drive other experiences in a similar fashion.

For example, If you think you might like to live in San Diego, then take a couple of lengthy trips there on ordinary average days or weeks, in ordinary average locations, to see what it might be like to live there on a day-to-day or a week-to-week basis.

If you think you might enjoy not working then take a few weeks off and stay in your local area doing ordinary average things to see if this might truly appeal to you or whether you just needed a break. A number of retirees thought retirement was something they truly wanted only to find themselves feeling bored, noncontributory, and unproductive. Perhaps if they had simulated the retirement experience first they might have come to this realization and instead continued working on a part time basis, worked a different type of job, or contributed in some other fashion.

If you think you might really enjoy teaching then perhaps volunteer at a local school to see if this is something you truly want before pursuing a degree in education. You can perform similar kinds of activities for other career fields to include healthcare, business, and hospitality. Years ago I thought I might like to become a teacher so I simulated the experience by providing presentations on my work in virtual reality based research and technology at various local high schools. After spending time in the classrooms and talking to teachers I realized it was not something I would enjoy as much as I had originally imagined. I thought I would enjoy the students, but not so much the administrative and preparation work or all the time spent outside of class grading papers, projects, and tests, and supporting all of the extracurricular activities and events. I’m happy that I learned that lesson prior to investing the time, resources, and effort to make it happen.

And I’m happy that I rented the convertible for my road trip. Because I came to the realization that, although a fun vehicle to drive, it would be more of a toy I’d enjoy taking out every once in a while and not something I would want to drive all the time. So, I’d be better off by perhaps getting a used convertible, as a second car, just for fun. Another option might be to rent a three wheeler to see if that might be something I would enjoy instead.

So many people expend a substantial amount of time, effort, and resources on creating the life they think they want only to discover that it’s not what they truly want at all. Don’t do this to yourself. Always seek to test drive the goals and experiences you think you might want before making major purchases or investing a lot of time, effort, and resources to make sure that they represent your true desires. If you do this then you will live a happier, more productive life. So seek to do this often in your life.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

Create Happiness and Abundance Through Appreciation

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One way in which to create happiness and abundance is through appreciation; appreciation of who you are, appreciation of what you have, and appreciation of who you have in your life. The more you fill your life with appreciation the happier you will feel and the more rewarding your life will become. Three ways to achieve appreciation include thinking good, doing good, and being good.

Thinking good involves having positive thoughts towards yourself, towards others, and towards the earth/universe whether focusing on the past, present, or future.

Doing good involves making positive contributions towards others and towards your surroundings.

Being good involves having a positive disposition and a good hearted nature as well as a high level of integrity.

Filling your life with appreciation in these regards not only creates a happier you, but also creates happier surroundings and abundance throughout the days, months, and years of your life.

Consider this: Imagine that you loaned the use of your home to a house guest while you were away. When you return you find your home has been thoroughly cleaned, polished, and beautified to the extent that it is in far better condition than when you first left. In addition, you receive a card and gift thanking you for the use of your home. How wonderful would you feel and how likely would you be to help and do nice things for this person in the future? Well, the spiritual world operates in very much the same fashion whether your belief system involves God, the universe, or some other higher power or spiritual representation. The more you express genuine appreciation the more you will have in your life to be appreciative of; the spiritual world continually responding to your appreciation by blessing you with more to be appreciative of.

In my own life, I have experienced abundance through multiple channels. For example, I’ve earned an average of 37% per year in the stock market since 2010 which is a five year gain (on average) in each and every year. I have handily beat each of the stock market indices and most, if not all, fund managers and investment firms. Perhaps the success I’ve experienced to date has more to do with the universe blessing me in response towards my appreciation in my attempts to think good, do good, and be good for much of the time and less to do with my investment experience and expertise; a part time experience and expertise which pales in comparison with that of fund managers and investment companies who perform this kind of work on a regular full time basis and have done so for decades or longer. I’m not saying that what I’ve learned about financial management and investing, and the techniques and strategies I’ve developed, evolved, and employed over time, have not contributed to my success in these regards. I’m just saying that there might be something more to the picture. Thus, perhaps this appreciation concept is something worth pondering and carefully considering in your own life.

Now, one way that I express appreciation involves reducing waste through conservation and actively reusing or recycling items to the greatest extent possible. For example, I seek to minimize my use of paper, plastic, and power and actively collect recyclables as I come across them whether walking, running, or performing other day to day activities. Every time I do this, I express appreciation to the universe for all it has blessed me with in the beautiful, wonderful life that I get to enjoy each and every day. In this fashion, I am much like that appreciative house guest I mentioned earlier; creating a cleaner, more beautiful, and more sustainable planet over time in joyful appreciation of the happy life and surroundings that have been so generously loaned to me for all of my days by the most gracious of givers. And the universe continues to bless me for my appreciation.

So always remember: The more you express appreciation the more you will have in your life to be appreciative of. Not only will you feel happier just in realizing how much you presently have in your life to be thankful for and appreciative of, but you will create happier surroundings and be continually blessed in the days, months, and years to come. In addition, every time you express your appreciation you will notice more of what you have in your life to be appreciative of. And this will make you feel wonderful. So do this for yourself (and others). And do it often.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

How to Live Increasingly Happier Over Time

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

A wonderful way to improve happiness involves periodically performing an inventory your life and taking actions to fill more of your life with the positive aspects and less with the negative aspects over time. Even if you focus solely on one side of the continuum – moving towards the positive or filling less of your life with the negative – you will experience greater happiness. But the combined effect will greatly accelerate your progress in these regards.

And just how might one go about doing this? Well, one thing you can do is consider multiple aspects – when conducting an inventory of your life – to include activities you engage in, the work you perform, your financial situation, the people in your life, the information and media content you tend to surround yourself with and expose yourself to, your living situation, the goals you are presently pursuing (and any new ones you are considering), that which consumes your life more than you would like, any new experiences you are considering, and any personal issues which repeatedly create substantial unhappiness or negativity for you such as recurring stress, depression, anxiety, guilt, anger, and temptations, addictions, and compulsions. When performing this inventory, list each of the items you come up with and score each of them using a scale such as the following:

+2: Highly Positive
+1: Moderately Positive
0: Neutral or Slightly Positive/Negative
-1: Moderately Negative
-2: Highly Negative

Once you do this you will have a pretty good idea of which aspects in your life tend to affect you in a positive way and which tend to do the opposite.  Becoming mindful of these aspects is helpful because awareness is the first step to change. Upon gaining this awareness, you would next ask yourself what steps you can take to move in a more positive direction.

Potential ways to address negative aspects generally fall into two primary categories: (1) those which involve creating distance or limiting participation (to include perhaps even removing oneself completely where possible or feasible), and (2) those which involve taking steps to work through or making significant changes. For those which fall into category 2 – which might include current life challenges, work, and recurring personal issues (stress, depression, anxiety, etc.) – you would consider actions to take to address these such as reading books on the topic(s), getting professional assistance, going to a support group or workshop, talking with others who have gone through similar experiences, and investigating/employing various other potential resources and sources of support.

Regarding the positive aspects of your life, you would simply take actions to move towards, or increase your participation in, these positive aspects. 

Start with addressing the highly negative and highly positive aspects first and then move on to addressing the moderately negative and moderately positive aspects. Within each of these categories, develop and execute plans for addressing these – perhaps starting with the easiest items first and then moving on to the more difficult ones to build confidence and momentum.

As you progress towards filling more of your life with the positive and less with the negative, you will begin to clear the “clutter” from your life and become increasingly happier. Once you’ve made significant progress in these regards start over and repeat these steps. Some people like to perform this process on an annual basis, perhaps the week leading to New Year’s or the week leading to their birthday, while others prefer to do this more frequently. Just do what works for you or those you are offering assistance to.

Every time you inventory your life and work towards improvement in these regards you will move in a positive direction, your life will get better, and you will feel increasingly happier. So don’t delay. Start today.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

How To Do What Truly Matters Today, Tomorrow, and Off into the Distant Future

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

I recently read an interesting book by James Altucher called “Choose Yourself to Wealth”. One of the things he recommends in this book is defining a life theme to live by which serves as a simple guide for how to live your life from one day to the next.

I like his life themes idea, but have expanded it such that it is broader and more encompassing. I embrace living from day to day in accordance with a life theme, on a more micro level as the author suggests, but also recommend doing this on a more macro level by ensuring that what you are doing or working towards, such as the tasks and activities you perform as well as the goals that you pursue in life, will allow you to experience more of your life theme in the future.

For example, my life theme might be to live happy and free. As such, I would remind myself of this theme throughout my days to move more towards living in this fashion on a micro level. However, I would also check to ensure that much of what I was doing and working towards was geared towards living happier and freer off into the future. For instance, I might learn how to invest money or work towards creating a more rewarding career to realize even more of the happiness and freedom I was envisioning via my life theme.

Here’s a list of potential life themes which might be worth considering:
* living happy
* living a balanced life
* being more loving and appreciative
* living stress free
* being creative
* being healthy
* being social
* being more loving
* doing what you love
* being highly successful
* being family oriented
* nurturing friend and/or family relationships
* some combination of the above

Simply use whatever life theme strongly resonates with you at the time and feel free to periodically change it up. For example, you might strongly desire success at one point in your life and want to support a life theme of “being highly successful”. Later in life you might get to the point where you have experienced a good deal of success and are satisfied with the success you have achieved to date. At that point in time you might decide to replace the “success oriented” life theme with something else which strongly resonates with you at the time such as “living a balanced life” or “nurturing friend and family relationships”. You would then proceed with supporting this new life theme. By periodically revisiting and revising your life themes you will continually support your strongest desires over time.

If you live in accordance with your life themes you will do what’s truly important to you whether performing your regular day to day activities or working towards your future. If you do not live in accordance with these then you will begin to lose sight of them. For example, a workaholic might regret not spending more time with family if he or she values family time much more than work or success. By defining and supporting a life theme of “being family oriented” the person might remember and take steps towards not working so much and taking time out during the day to connect with family members and performing activities which are kind, nurturing, and thoughtful towards them on a more regular basis.

By creating and living in accordance with your life themes you will always do what’s important to you no matter what you’re doing. It’s a simple way to ensure that you: 1) define what’s important to you at the time, and 2) live in accordance with this. So give this a try.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

Create Healthy Boundaries By Treating Assistance to Others as Partnerships

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One thing that many people struggle with is creating and maintaining healthy boundaries when providing assistance to others. Something that I frequently tell people in this regard is to treat these kinds of situations as partnerships where both you and the parties you are providing assistance to jointly participate and contribute towards resolving the issues, improving the situations at hand, and/or creating better lives overall. That is, there is both the part that YOU will contribute and there is the part which the OTHER PARTIES will contribute. The second part is frequently overlooked by the good hearted givers of the world, but is the key to success for truly making things better.

If you find in your life that you’ve repeatedly offered assistance to someone where the situation does not seem to improve or perhaps even gets worse then take a good hard look at the approach being taken. Until those receiving the assistance are ready, willing, and committed towards taking steps to help themselves there’s really not much that you can do. It’s just wasted energy on your part. Simply step aside, wish them well, and wait until the troubled persons are ready, willing, and committed to do their part. This goes for people experiencing financial difficulties, relationship or family issues, employment issues, addiction related issues, and other life issues.

Now, that being stated, the troubled individuals themselves do not necessarily need to know what to specifically do in order to make their situations better. Oftentimes they don’t. But they do have to be ready, willing, and committed towards working with you (and others) to: (1) identify potential options and resources, (2) investigate the options/resources and select those which potentially offer good solutions, and (3) develop and execute plans for making progress.

This does not mean that success will be experienced the first time through. It does mean that the troubled individuals must do their part, and that if the initial options/resources selected or the executed plans do not work, then they must be ready, willing, and committed towards identifying, investigating, and selecting other options/resources and developing and executing new plans. That is, it is likely this will need to be an iterative process in order to find a good solution. And so long as the troubled persons are contributing and participating in finding a solution there’s no reason to not consider helping them. However, should these individuals stop their efforts then you might consider stopping yours. Because, at that point, there won’t be much you will able to do to help ~ the partnership no longer existing. Simply step aside until those times when they are ready, willing, and committed to do their part. You’ll save yourself a lot of time, energy, and frustration if you operate in this fashion. Furthermore, you will communicate a strong message to those individuals that there are no handouts. That until they are ready, willing, and committed to helping themselves you will not be coming to their rescue.

In my own life, I know someone who has struggled with a drug addiction problem for several years now. Anytime that he’s caught up in the turbulence and chaos of the addiction issue I step aside and wish him well. However, during those periods of time when he’s actively seeking help and is committed to working towards solutions then I step right back in to lend a helping hand.

Now, there are some individuals who are not willing to offer assistance in these kinds of situations due to a common word in the addiction and recovery arena called “enabling”. However, I would argue that there is a world of difference between enabling someone to continue living an unhealthy lifestyle and enabling someone to help himself. And, no matter how bad things get for my friend, so long as he is ready, willing, and committed to doing his part in helping himself, he’ll always be able to count on me to do mine. For, although I am not willing to help him continue living an unhealthy life, anytime that he is ready, willing, and committed to get help, I’ll be right there to help him pick up the pieces and to make things better.

I encourage you to take a similar approach when helping others in your life. Always remember to create and maintain healthy boundaries by treating the assistance that you provide to others as partnerships. Partnerships involving the part that YOU will perform as well as the part that the OTHER PARTIES will perform. This is the only way in which to truly help others. Anything less can be ineffective and even detrimental in nature. I hope this article will help some of you out there who experience similar struggles.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships