self-improvement

HAPPINESS TIP REGARDING ALCOHOL (AND OTHER LIFE DISTRACTIONS)

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

People frequently ask why I stopped drinking alcohol over the years. I’ve never had a drinking problem but there are several benefits to giving up alcohol (and other similar kinds of life distractions):

1) Cost: The amount of money you save from not indulging in these kinds of life distractions is tremendous and is money which can be put towards other dreams and desires you might have.

2) Risk: Not indulging in such life distractions substantially reduces your risk both in the near term and long term.

3) Personal Growth: Not indulging in these kinds of life distractions forces you to deal with life’s stresses, challenges, and “ups a downs” in a healthy fashion. Once you’ve dealt with some of these a few times, you realize that dealing in healthier ways promotes more rapid recovery, greater resilience, and mental fortitude. In addition, not indulging in such life distractions also forces you to learn how to socialize, communicate, and deal with social situations in a sober state. Qualities which you develop and strengthen over time which can benefit you (and others in your life) for your entire life. 

So, that’s three reasons I can come up with which might be worth consideration. But, as always, do what works best for you in your life. It is your life experience and no one else’s.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

HAPPINESS TIP: ON THOSE NOT SO POSITIVE DAYS, FOCUS ON HOW YOU MOST WANT TO FEEL AND THEN OFFER THAT TO OTHERS

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Here’s a happiness tip on getting yourself into a positive place on those not so positive days:

There might be times in life when you are not feeling your best. A good thing to do, when this happens, is closing your eyes and – instead of focusing on how unhappy you presently feel – asking yourself how you might most want to feel and focusing on that. Many people, in these situations, do the opposite by focusing on the very negative thoughts and feelings they are seeking to moderate and overcome. It can be extremely difficult to move in a positive direction with so much attention focused on the negative. So, instead focus on how you most want to feel and take actions to gently move in this direction.

For example, if you feel lonely then you might most desire to experience feelings of love and appreciation. So, instead of focusing on your loneliness, focus on love and appreciation and steps you might take to gently move in this direction. A wonderful way to do this is offering what you most want to others. So, if you most want to escape your loneliness, then make someone else feel less lonely. And if you most want to experience love and appreciation, then offer love and appreciation to others. You will be amazed at how much love and appreciation comes back to you when you do this. Anytime we graciously and selflessly give to others that which we want for ourselves, it comes back to us in overwhelming abundance. So, do this often in your life.

And keep in mind that you can perform this process not only with people but with pets as well. So, don’t forget about your furry friends when doing this.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

HAPPINESS TIP: FOCUS ON CONTRIBUTIONS INSTEAD OF RESULTS

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

In such a “results and outcomes” focused society, it can be easy to feel over-burdened and unhappy at times. However, if you focus solely on, and allow yourself to be happy with, your contributions instead of on results and outcomes you will feel much better about your life and about yourself. We do not control results and outcomes. We only control our contributions.

Many things in life happen the way they do no matter what we do or how much we give. So, get in the practice of detaching from results and outcomes. Just do your best – whatever your best might be at the time given everything you have going on in your life and how you are feeling at the time – and be content with that. It’s the best you can do and you can feel good about that. Don’t worry so much about what you cannot control. Just do your part. That’s all you can ask of yourself (and others).

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

HAPPINESS TIP: LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS OF WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One way to live happier is taking steps to better ensure you live without regrets. This essentially involves taking chances: taking chances on people, taking chances on opportunities, and taking chances on life experiences.

For example, back in my early 30s, to overcome my shy nature with respect to initiating conversations with others I did not know, I created and adopted the expression: “I’d rather try than be haunted by…” because the potential discomfort of trying and getting shunned was less painful than the haunting, restless thoughts of what might have been.

And I’ve had a lot of fun and gained a number of friends and wonderful life experiences over the years because of this. Many of which involve friendships which have lasted 15+ years!

A simple way to express this idea is (which my more intellectual followers might appreciate): “If A would like B to be a part of A’s life experience, then it probably makes sense for A to do something to initiate the process or communicate some sort of interest. Otherwise it may not happen.”

So, do not miss out on these kinds of wonderful life opportunities! The people and experiences in your life can add such color, beauty, excitement, and comfort throughout the months, years, and decades of your life. I STRONGLY encourage you to do this for yourself from time to time. Because you never know what might happen. So, do this for yourself if your can!

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

HAPPINESS TIP: AVOID MAKING “PERFECT” DECISIONS

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

There is no such thing as “the right decision”. There are good decisions, bad decisions, and decisions which lie between these two extremes. One of the keys to living a happy, stress-free life is making and being content with decisions which are good enough instead of those which are “perfect”. Because, perfectionism is never worth the cost. Nothing will ever be perfect no matter how much time, energy, and resources you put towards something. Simply consider a few facts or indicators, make a favorable decision based on these, and move out on that decision. You will live happier and make more progress in life if you do.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

BE A SOURCE OF PEACE, PATIENCE, AND POSITIVITY TO OTHERS

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

One thing which can be helpful when those you love and appreciate are burdened by something or experiencing extreme negative thoughts and feelings is being a consistent source of peace, patience, and positivity for the troubled person (and others in your life). Anytime others perceive us as a consistent source of these kinds of positive qualities, they will spend more time with us and communicate with us more – both in good times and bad.

If you truly desire to serve as this constant source of peace, patience, and positivity to others, then focus on this desired vision for yourself and ask yourself what actions you can take today, tomorrow, next week, and next month to progress towards this and then start taking these actions. In addition, review and reflect on your progress by asking yourself, throughout your days, if your behaviors, actions, and communications have been consistent with your vision and make adjustments accordingly to ensure you converge towards it – saying “yes” to anything which moves you closer to your vision of peace, patience, and positivity and “no” to anything which does not. If you do these things, you will begin to embody the positive qualities you are envisioning for yourself.

I used this very technique to help a young woman I coached recently named Anne. Anne was worried because her girlfriend was becoming distant – not spending as much time or communicating with her as much as she had in the past. After talking with Anne further, it came to light that her girlfriend was getting overwhelmed by the health problems her mother was experiencing and the need for constant support. And things kept getting worse.

Up to that point in time, Anne would freely share her day-to-day problems, issues, and concerns with her girlfriend. It’s just something they had always done. I pointed out to Anne that her girlfriend – in going through the challenges with her mother – was living a life far out of balance and the imbalance and happenings in her life were creating a substantial amount stress, negativity, and chaos. As such, burdening her girlfriend further by communicating her own problems, issues, and concerns would make her girlfriend feel even more overwhelmed and intensify her negative feelings of stress, irritability, sadness, anxiety, and chaos – all of which might create additional withdrawal and isolation (in the best case) or a quick, desperate reaction (in the worst case).

So, I strongly encouraged Anne to refrain from sharing her day-to-day problems, issues, and concerns with her girlfriend during this period of time and instead sharing them with others in her life if she felt the need – others who were not going through such intense challenges in their lives. I also challenged Anne to focus primarily on becoming a consistent source of peace, patience, and positivity for her girlfriend because of the increased likelihood they might spend more time together and communicate more with each other if her girlfriend associated Anne with these kinds of positive qualities – positive qualities which offered: (1) a safe haven away from all of the chaos and imbalance she was experiencing, and (2) a way of gaining back some of that balance and recharging and rejuvenating herself in the process.

Well, Anne did exactly that – actively taking steps to become a consistent source of peace, patience, and positivity to her girlfriend – saying “yes” to anything that moved her closer to this vision and “no” to anything which did not. And sure enough, her girlfriend started coming around much more often and they were able to recover from what might have otherwise resulted in a tragic event.

So, always keep this in mind when dealing with people in your life who are experiencing significant challenges. They might need a break from everything they are going through – and if you can offer this to them, this might be the very thing which allows them to successfully navigate and overcome the highly stressful challenges and events in their lives.   

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

HAPPINESS TIP REGARDING RELATIONSHIPS

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

The most important question to ask yourself, in relationship situations (romantic or otherwise such as friends, family members, and acquaintances), is whether you desire to create closeness or distance. Once you decide which way you want to go, you must ensure your actions are consistent with that decision. Otherwise, you can create the opposite effect.

So many people desire to create closeness in their relationships but create distance instead because they focus on the hurt, harm, pain, and wrongdoing and reciprocate an amplified version of this. And the reciprocation and amplification process can continue back and forth between the parties until there is nothing left but distance.

There are cases, however, where people desire to create distance in relationships when they involve people who are detrimental towards them. In these situations, I always recommend that they focus intently on the hurt, harm, pain, and wrongdoing (and perhaps even exaggerate this) to give them the strength and resolve for creating the distance they need. Otherwise, they might not be able to do this. Especially, if they listen to their hearts instead.

So, keep these things in mind for your relationships. They can make all the difference in how things play out.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

THE HUGE HIDDEN WAY TO DESTROY RELATIONSHIPS AND WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY YES TO ANYONE WITHOUT DOING THIS FIRST!

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Sometimes, in our lives, we might say “yes” to those we are close to even when doing so might make us unhappy. Often, people do this out of their desire to be supportive and create additional closeness with others. However, what they fail to realize is that whenever they sacrifice their own happiness, needs, and desires in support of others, they will frequently create negative thoughts and feelings towards those they are seeking to please (as well as themselves). Thus, instead of the closeness they anticipated creating, they often end up creating distance instead.

For example, imagine you finally got a day to yourself and decided to spend the day being creative and doing some paintings you’ve been wanting to work on for some time now. Your romantic partner – upon realizing that you had the day off – asks you to perform a few errands and to get together for lunch. You don’t really want to do any of this because it interferes with your own plans but you agree to it because you think it would be kinder and less selfish of you to do so. So, you end up spending a few hours doing this and even though it only took a few hours, it might create negative thoughts and feelings towards your partner (and yourself) in the hours and days and weeks which follow – something which can create distance in your relationship instead of the closeness you had anticipated creating by being so supportive. This can happen anytime that you place the happiness and desires of others before your own. Especially, for things which truly matter to you.

Another example of this involves making plans. Recently, I coached a woman who had communicated that her boyfriend planned events for them to attend which she did not enjoy very much. She would go because he was her boyfriend but she would experience a large amount of stress, negativity, and anxiety leading up to the events, awkwardness at the events themselves when trying to “fit in” and being careful not to do anything socially awkward, and after the events when repeatedly criticizing herself for any faults or imperfections and telling herself she should have done better. So, she would experience a huge amount of stress, anxiety, and negativity leading up to the events, during the events themselves, and after the events. Stress, anxiety, and negativity which consumed her and made her less available and attentive towards herself and her partner.

The problem with situations such as the above is frequently people plan events and activities based on what they value. And values tend to vary widely between one person and the next. For example, her partner was very extroverted in nature and enjoyed large gatherings and events. She was the opposite. So, I encouraged her to have honest discussions with her partner about her values and preferences so that he could become more mindful of these and make plans accordingly. I also encouraged her to get in the practice of saying “no” to things which make her unhappy – because doing what you truly do not want to do can affect your relationships in huge and lasting ways.

If you operate in the above fashion you will live a happy, peaceful, authentic life – your own and nobody else’s. And you will take actions and support events and activities which are ALWAYS right for you and others in your life. What a wonderful life you will create and share if you live in this fashion. So, do this for yourself (and others) if you can. Oh, and also be sure to read this related article about why you should never take the advice of anyone (including me!)!

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

HAPPINESS CHALLENGE: BE AND SEE THE LIGHT AND WARMTH

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

Here’s a worthwhile happiness challenge for you: See how many times you can be the light and warmth to others and see the light and warmth within others. We provide such joy and peace to those who come in contact with us when we are happy, calm, and peaceful ourselves – even when no words are spoken. So, strive to be that beaming light of love, warmth, happiness, peace, and inspiration each and every day.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness #relationships

ALLOW OTHERS TO HAVE THEIR LIFE EXPERIENCE AND LIVE AND LEARN FREELY

Posted on by Joseph M. Brennan Jr.

There have been times in my life where, with respect to the dating or relationship situations of others, I thought something like: “How silly (or even stupid) of him/her to put up with that other person’s crapola! He/she is getting treated like dirt!” Only to find weeks or even months later that the relationship not only survived but thrived and the couple became happier than they had ever been. How can that be? Well, you never know how things might change. You have to remember the dynamics between people. Initial interest can evolve and grow into warmth (and even love) and sometimes people change because they want to change and because they want to be better. It doesn’t always happen. But sometimes it does.

So, those I might have initially perceived as silly (or even stupid) in those situations turned out to be the smart ones. Those who loved, were patient, and put up with all of the initial crapola because they saw something I could not see. Something that made it worth the initial pains and frustrations to get to. And, in those situations, I found my initial distaste transformed into admiration. Because they did not give up. They worked (and sometimes even struggled) but made it happen.

So, do not judge others. Feel free to offer advice or assistance from time to time, as a friend or family member, but allow them to live and learn freely. It is their life experience. Not yours.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness $relationships