Self esteem is one of the more significant factors which contribute to the levels of happiness – or unhappiness for that matter – that people experience throughout their entire lives. So, anything we do to improve in this regard can be helpful for not only ourselves but also others who surround us.

One of the primary reasons people suffer from low self-esteem is because they treat themselves unkindly. The first step for improving in this regard involves becoming more mindfully aware of when you are treating yourself unkindly instead of mindlessly continuing to engage in these activities. Often, self-esteem issues result from mindlessly and repeatedly treating ourselves unkindly via thoughts, words, and actions. So, a good way to challenge this tendency is becoming more mindfully aware of when we are treating ourselves unkindly – at least for part of the time (step 1 of the process).

You might tell yourself something like, “There it is… I did it again…”, when catching yourself and remind yourself something like, “I’m not doing this to myself anymore… I am now treating myself more kindly”, and then release the original negative thought. Every time you are successful in doing this, you will break the negative cycle. Every time you break the negative cycle, you will improve the way you feel. Eventually, you will get to the point that, in addition to performing step 1 of this process, you will reconsider the original self-directed negative thought and transform it into something more positive (step 2 of the process).

Often, people with low self-esteem use negative labels and generalizations against themselves such as “stupid”, “failure”, “loser”, etc. So, someone might innocently forget where he placed his keys and tell himself something like, “I’m so stupid”, but after performing step 1 of this process become aware that, in that moment, he is treating himself unkindly and then gently release the negative thought. Ideally, he would then perform step 2 of the process and reconsider the thought, “I am so stupid” , and upon further reflection realize, “Wait a minute, I’m not stupid. I just misplaced my keys. Sometimes, I get a little sidetracked but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid.” Transforming the original self-directed negative thought into something more positive.

I have frequently met people who seemingly, jokingly use negative words against themselves such as “stupid” or “loser”. When I encounter such situations, I often gently try to guide them away from the use of such words with the realization that the self-directed negative words expressed verbally are probably a very small subset of all of such self-directed negative words they routinely engaged in internally. Even if these words are used – on some occasions – truly in a joking manner, often people begin to believe the things they tell themselves over time. Especially, if they happen in a repetitive fashion. So, I always try to help people gain this awareness so they at least have the opportunity to break the negative cycle if they choose to.

Every time you become more mindfully aware and break the negative cycle, you will feel better about yourself. And this MINDFUL AWARENESS => BREAK THE NEGATIVE CYCLE process can continue from hour-to-hour to week-to-week to month-to-month. If you keep going through this process, you will eventually get to the point where you will treat yourself kindly – instead of unkindly – for much of the time. And this will allow you to love yourself more. And this will make you feel wonderful. And this will create greater joy both within yourself and within your surroundings. How much joy can you stand? You will soon find out once you begin to improve your self-esteem. So, do this for yourself if you can.

This and other happiness and self-improvement related tips are provided throughout my self-help oriented books: https://brighterdayslifecoaching.com/published-books-and-life-coaching-services/ 

#selfimprovement #selfhelp #selfdevelopment #intention #fulfillment #success #inspiration #happiness

Joseph M. Brennan Jr.
CEO/Life Coach – Brighter Days Life Coaching
“Your Brighter Days Life Coach for Life”

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